I have a small confession to make.
I quite like the Sookie Stackhouse novels.
Ok, they’re definitely McBooks – in that they’re quick and easy to read and, to be honest, pretty forgettable. But enjoyable all the same. Sookie is a pain in the neck, and she doesn’t even have human and breathing as her lower limit for shag-worthy. And she shags quite a lot for a chick who started off the series not getting much of any attention at all! Some of the pickles she gets herself into and gets herself dragged out of – well. I tell you what! She’s a bit of an angst ridden drama queen. Not sure of the time period over which these all take place – maybe 5-6 years?
The last couple of books have been a bit less entertaining, but as I read from the ninth one onward as they came out, it wasn’t quite as dramatically noticeable that the quality of story was down and the pickles were more extreme and outlandish. Oh, and how many times does a wench have to get tortured before someone sits up and says “Oi. That’s not on.” Hmm.
Anyway, despite not really enjoying the last couple of books as much as I enjoyed the first eight, I acquired the final book. It was the Final Book after all, so seeing as I’d read the first TWELVE in the series, you know it makes sense. And after the marathon effort that was A Song of Ice and Fire, I was looking forward to something light and a bit silly without too much thinky before I delved into the last installment of GoT.
So, I cracked it open and settled down for a good old read and snigger (because you have to admit they’re pretty funny in a completely not supposed to be kind of way). Read the first couple of pages. Went to sleep. Read a few more pages. Went to sleep. Didn’t read at all for a couple of days.
Yes. That bad.
I decided that the bloody thing wasn’t going to beat me and gave it a red hot go this weekend while I waited for 97 loads of wet washing to dry (this was my punishment for forgetting to get the towels out of the dryer last weekend). Oh My Fecking God.
Suspect the outline for the book went something along the lines of this…
- X needs to end up with Y
- X is married to Z
- All the characters need to come back
- All the characters need to go away again
- Need to kill all the bad people
- Need some URST
- Need to have some RST
- Oops, forgot the torture scene
- All the baddies are dead
- All the goodies are married
- X has the best sex EVAH
- Everyone lives happily ever after
- THE END.
(that’s not really spoilers either – that’s pretty much been the plot for the last three books!)
It was like getting to the last chocolate in the box, unwrapping it slowly, popping it in your mouth and discovering it was MARZIPAN.
So yeah. Finished. Mildly disappointed. Bit of a gross taste in my mouth.
And now I need some different trash…