D-day minus a couple of days or something
Well, hasn’t the world just gone tits up in the last couple of weeks…
Now, I lived through the whole Y2K bug thingame whatsis twenty years ago (was it really that long ago?) and yeah, I was all totes whatevs about the whole thing and the sum total of my preparation was buying a single eight-pack of candles on New Years Eve on the off chance the power went out. I did use a couple of the candles a few years later when the power actually *did* go out, and the rest got chucked in my Kon Mari frenzy because they got a bit bent and broken over time.
Even back then, there was a little bit of a panic but people stocked up on bottled water and a few dry goods and yeah, she’ll be right mate. None of this building toilet paper castles surrounded by tinned tomato moats. Seriously, though. HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER does one household actually need? No, serious question. We use between two and four rolls a week for four of us, depending on who’s home and you know, other variables. So, a box of 24 extra long rolls will last us for fucking AGES. Eight to 12 weeks. That’s enough. Now, I’m a person who had a bit of a – shall we say phobia – about running out of the foldy white stuff, and I did have to stage an intervention on myself when I realised my stockpile was erm 60 rolls. I now have a TP delivery service and I never run out. Even in a crisis. But I cannot for the life of me understand why on earth the first thing everyone thought of when they heard they might be locked in for a couple of weeks was “fuck, better get a truck load of poo tickets in then”.
I sorta wonder whether some smart arse in the media department somewhere took a pic of a chap who say, had one of those little convenience stores, or a family motel – somewhere where they buy their bog rolls from the supermarket anyway. And this chap had half a dozen 30 packs piled up in the trolley as one would, if one was running a convenience store or motel, and aforementioned smart arse has gone all “ZOMFG LOOKIT THE PANICSSSSSSSSSS” and the rest is fucking history.
Anyway, I’m all set for the crap wrap, but I figure I really should stock up on a couple of bits and pieces, so I start to do my Doomsday Prepping grocery shop. This consists of me thinking errrrrrrm. What will I run out of in a week, I’ll get two. Ticking along nicely until I kept trying to add self raising flour onto my order. Out of stock. Those panickers need self raising flour? What on earth for? My little supermarket has a minimalist baking section because no fucker near where I live fucking bakes. I have to go further afield to get some random stuff I’m after. Flour section is empty. And yeast. Who else buys yeast? Three supermarkets for bakers flour (it has more protein and is better for bread. I am not a total wanker) and FOUR to get two fucking packets of SR flour and a thingy of yeasy.
So yeah, I’m set. I have meat, I have vegetables, the fruit shop reckons they’ll have fresh stuff on an ongoing basis, so eh, that’s alright. I’ve got ingredients, so I can make fancy stuff, so we will not starve. But I give you the tip, the vibe is fucking WEIRD. It’s like Christmas Eve in the food shops, New Years Eve at the bottle shop and 5pm Sunday afternoon everywhere else.
And people are being complete and utter guttersnipes. I want to use a stronger word here, you know which word I mean. You can replace in your head when you read. But, I saw a grown arse woman rip shreds off a wee lass behind the counter at the bakery because she didn’t have what Karen wanted. Now, Karen, it was less than 15 minutes until closing time. I didn’t expect her to have what I wanted at quarter to quitting time. That poor kid. Seriously. Nobody deserved that level of arseholery. And a complete and utter moron at the supermarket screeching at the manager because he could only buy ONE what ever it was. He only left because the manager called the fucking POLICE. To a supermarket. Because he couldn’t buy two packets of tic tacs or something else he already had thirty packets of at home.
Fuck. Be nice to each other.